u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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