I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sarcasm needs its own font
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
