I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I currently don't understand fingers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
