We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
