Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
