so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
