1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?