Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background