I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.