I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going