Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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