it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
