No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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