Where is the hickey?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
