I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways