Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.