Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.