standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.