Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?