If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you have feelings for this penis?