I love black thongs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.