with your own penis?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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