I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize