There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
