thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
