nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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