Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we made out on top of his cat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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