Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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