it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
