guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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