Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
