You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
