on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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