Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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