i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.