My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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