He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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