If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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