Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
