he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
