Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
