So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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