well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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