the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
