I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize