70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize