how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
