i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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