cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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