I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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