I think i peed on brittanys purse
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize