coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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