When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize