Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
