I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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