im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
