Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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After tacos, we're chasing women.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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