I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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