so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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