john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize