i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize