just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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